Finding Peace

I do not get to watch television often so I tend to DVR a lot. I usually find time when I am cooking or washing dishes to catch up on a few of the shows I missed. One series I am currently into is This Is Us. If you have not had an opportunity to watch this show, I will encourage you to watch a few episodes from the first season. If it does not pull you in and tug at your heart, check your pulse!

On Wednesday, while I was cooking dinner, I watched the most recent episode I had saved on the DVR and it did not disappoint. One of the main characters is a black man, adopted by a white family, has spent much of his life wanting to know his identity. In the previous season he'd found his biological father and was told that his mother had passed away shortly after his birth. Now in his forties, his biological father has since passed away after only knowing him for a short time.

Even though his biological father was able to fill in some of the blanks, this man still had a few unanswered questions. With both of his biological parents being deceased, he was trying to make peace with the fact that he may never know his whole story. For years he had struggled with an almost debilitating anxiety and noticed recently that his eldest daughter was beginning to have anxiety as well. He decided, with the support of his wife, to seek counseling.

In Wednesday's episode, after getting some information about his biological mother, he and his wife went to meet the man who had reached out to him about his mother. This episode centered around this man having the final pieces of his puzzle put together as well as having many of his lingering questions answered. He was able to make connections to the life he'd lived and how he came to be who he was. The best part, for me, was on their drive home his wife commented that he looked "more at peace, lighter."

More at peace, lighter. This resonated with me so deeply because this is exactly how I felt when I was able to confront my past and deal with the things that had been haunting me since I was a child. Watching this episode reminded me of the importance of knowing ones story.

I wasn't aware enough to know that I needed to ask my own parents questions about their childhood and how they grew up. I do know many things about my parents but real, in-depth conversations were not had in my family. Knowing what I know now, I freely share my life with my son most often without him asking but when the opportunity presents itself, I take it.

Over the Christmas holidays I was riding in the car with my adult niece and nephews. We got on some topic I can't even remember now and I started telling them a story from my high school days. The car went silent. When I was done, my niece turned to me and said, "Mimi, I never would have guessed that about you!" I guess they were in complete shock that their sweet old Auntie had a past. They had a good laugh.

It feels good to be humble, open and transparent. If I am always telling the truth I never have to remember what I said to whom. If I am always honest about who I am I don't have the pressure of trying to keep up with someone I'm not.

Love yourself first...:)