This morning, September 26th, 2023, I went into my closet to get dressed for work. I ended up sitting on the floor, realizing that in just two days I will be a half century old. Normally, my birthdays are something I enjoy celebrating, however, this year has been a bit of a struggle with my upcoming age change. This is a milestone year for both myself and my son. I was truly taken back when we celebrated his thirtieth birthday back in July. I just simply could not believe that much time had passed from the day I had given birth. Knowing how old I was when he was born has consumed me the past few months as I struggled to gain some acceptance with my pending birthday.
There have been a lot of changes in my life this year. Some that I have initiated. Some that were beyond my control. Some that needed to happen. Some that I didn't want to happen. As I worked through all of them, I was reminded of something my grandmother would often say, "if you live long enough..." I could always finish that sentence with what ever I was struggling with at the time and it totally fit. I am often reminded, by way of my grandmother, my mother and my father, that what I just so happen to be dealing with at the time isn't new, its just new to me and if I take the time to inventory my family history, I would see that they were truly trying to guide me based on their own life and experiences.
So, as I sat in that closet this morning thinking about all of the changes that have happened in my life recently, I thought to myself, I could sit here pondering what could have been. What should have been. What might have been. Or what I should have done. What I didn't do. What I wanted to do but never got around to or I could simply be grateful for the moment I am in, the life I have lived, the impact I have made through educating myself and others, and all of the things I got the opportunity to accomplish. Especially, the things folks said I'd never be able to do.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my parents and wish they were here to see all that I have gone through and grown through, however, I know that they live on in me, my son, and my grandchildren and whatever amazing things we do, my parents are reflected in that. I am also very grateful for the family that is still here with me. My family has looked out for me, prayed for me, prayed with me, and prayed over me. They have cheered me on and they have been my biggest support system, beyond what I could have ever hoped for. So, I have many, many things to be grateful for. My grandmother is still with me. My son is alive. My grandchildren are doing well. My nieces and nephews are doing well. My siblings are doing well. I have the most beautiful women friends a girl could ask for. They all positively pour into my life often.
Thinking over the life that I have lived it is hard not to see God's hand in it. The healing journey that I have taken over the last 10 or 11 years has totally transformed my life, my way of thinking, my way of being, and my attitude. If I am honest, all of the change I have faced recently has been good. Change nor true healing is easy, but it is so well worth it because everything we could ever dream or imagine is on the other side of the fear that keeps us from healing and growth.
It has taken me years to recognize who I was and who I wanted to be. Not some version of what someone wanted me to be but the person God authentically created me to be. In two days, I will celebrate that girl, that journey, that healing, that growth and that power!
Happy Birthday to me! Here's to fifty phenomenal years...
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