Pressing Forward

I absolutely love a good quote! If you were to look around my house, guaranteed you'd find two or three written down or posted somewhere in each room. Quotes, to me, are sometimes a simple reminder of the values, morals and boundaries I've set for myself. They remind me to take a quick inventory and get myself realigned, if necessary.

This past week, as I was browsing through Instagram, I came across a lady speaking. I don't know how this lady got in my feed and for the life of me I can not remember her name but what she said has stayed with me for days. What she said was something like:

You were called to break generational curses and strongholds. That's why things don't come easy for you. You are who your bloodline has been waiting for.

You know, I live this life to the best of my abilities. I try not to take anything for granted, count my blessing and learn from my mistakes. I make learning and growing a priority so that when I know better, I can do better and be a better person. Then there are experiences like the one I had after hearing that lady speak that give me reason to pause.

I would be the first to tell anyone that life has not always been easy for me. Trust me, I am not complaining at all because I know that many may have had it far worse than me. However, what I have experienced in my own life has some times been a difficult challenge for me. I know for certain that being a survivor of childhood abuse and a teen rape changed my outlook on life for many years. For a long time I was plagued with questions. Questions about who I was, why such a terrible thing happened to me, how was I ever to move forward in life and if I would live long enough to even glimpse a rainbow at the end of tunnel.

Today, while my life is not all roses and yoga classes it is so much brighter and lighter than it was just a few years ago. Hearing that statement reminded me of why I spent so many years pushing hard to move past the circumstances that were trying to define me. At the time I had no idea what I was up against and definitely didn't understand the obstacles I'd face. What I did know was that there had to be better out there for me than what was placed in front of me by others.

In my years of studying and reading the bible, I have come across many scriptures regarding generational curses and how the impact of one's choices will not only affect them but will affect generations to include their children's children. I do not know a lot about my family history. What I do know is that my family comes from a long line of sharecroppers and domestic workers. I can only guess, from an historical standpoint, the terrible things they endured. I know that my mother lived with a deep rooted darkness and sadness that she carried from her past. While she never openly spoke about it, it totally affected many areas of her life. Even as a child, it always seemed to me like she was running from something.

As an adult, I remember times when I'd sit and watch my mother when she thought no one was around. I will never forget the far away look of sadness I'd sometimes see cross her face. What ever those secrets were, she took them with her when she died. I am certain that without wanting it to, some of the darkness and sadness she struggled with found its way to me.

Even though she never said it, I have a feeling I know some of what she may have struggled with. The older I get and the more I learn, the more I understand the importance of making good choices in life. My son, frustrated with one of my grandchildren's behavior, asked me, "so, I'm just supposed to give up what I want for them?' My response was a simple, yes. I reminded my son that every choice, every word spoken and every decision he makes will impact his sons for generations to come.

People say that life doesn't come with a manual but I think that it does. It may not be the manual we want but it is the only one we got so we should probably use it!